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This is how I imagine it goes down for almost every horror film being made today:

Movie Producer: “So, Bob, you know…horror remakes are doing pretty well.  Don’t cost much to make, big market.  We need to get in on this.  Let’s remake, I don’t know…just pick one, Bob.”

Bob: “Ok.  Let’s do Friday the 13th.  I’ll go get a couple of undergrads at USC or a few waiters down at the local greasy spoon. We’ll offer them…what, 10 grand?”

Movie Producer:  “Fuck no, Bob!  What are you, stupid? Offer them 5 grand and throw in some of these bags of fucking peanuts that have been sittin’ around the office for the past few years.”

Bob:  “Sounds good.”

Movie Producer:  “Oh, and Bob:  make sure you the casting director finds a girl with big tits.  That ever been done in a horror film?  Big tits?”

Bob: “Yeah, I think it’s been done.  Big tits.  You got it.”

So Bob finds his “screen writers” and they get to work.  How do they get to work?  By cutting and pasting every single cliche of horror films from the “Big Book of Horror Cliches” that you can purchase…I don’t know, I guess at the campus bookstore.

And they remake Friday the 13th.  And they got a girl with nice, big tits.  After watching the film, I actually looked her up on IMDB to see if she appeared naked in anything else.  Her name is Julianna Guill, and boy does she have a nice set of tits.

Guess what?  I’m not the only person that looked her up after seeing this movie.  The ‘comments’ section is full of horny dudes wanting more Julianna.

1 star, but 5 star tits.

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